-Not wanting to look weak.
-Not wanting to burden you with yet another problem
-Wanting to finally be the sunny person I used be again
-Trying to figure it out myself
Whatever the reason may be, I finally broke and told Sister Mitchell through tears how I had been feeling. We had to take a minute at the apartment so that I could cry it out to get to a place where I could go back out and work. I'm sorry if it sounds like I am complaining again. I know you have had to listen to a lot of my problems over the past year. I know. I really have had wonderful times too!
But I need your prayers right now.
Some of the things that come to mind as I think about have been stressing me out are
-questions about the Restoration, brought on by the adversary. I know and bear testimony that this message is true. I don't doubt it. But the adversary is trying to get me to. And that stresses me out. A lot. He knows what he is doing. If he can just get me to question that message, it all crumbles. I am trying my hardest to face the wind, dig in and be tough, but my resolve is slipping.
-the prospect of training. People keep joking that I am training. And that makes me freak out. I know that I am not put together enough myself to keep myself going, much less supporting a brand new missionary.
-The demands of missionary work. This one is something all missionaries have to cope with. There is a book that we are given that helps "Adjusting to Missionary Life" This booklet has a section that goes over the 4 levels of stress.
Green- you're good.
Yellow- you're stressed. you are fine. try to relax and get back to green.
Orange- yep you're stressed. Get help
Red- you need help. Tell your mission president right away so he can help you.
Now obviously those aren't the exact descriptions, but you get the picture. I am a little embarrassed to admit this, because it is prideful of me, but I have been at a mid yellow/orange level for most of the past three months since I left Ocean Springs. At times, I have been pushed into the red zone. But I haven't been able to return to the green level.
I have been trying to figure it out myself, but it isn't working. The stress level is only rising.
It seems like everything stresses me out even more. Here is how part of my day usually goes...
Stressing out about what will happen with transfers, then remember that I could be training, then panic, try to relax by reading the Book of Mormon, adversary creeps in with questions as to whether this all could even be true, stress shots through the roof that I am even thinking that, feel like a basket case for feeling so stressed.
I am a mess. I have called Sister Olson to talk to her about it, she hasn't answered or called back yet. Probably tied up with transfers. I emailed President Olson, just sent it so he hasn't seen it yet.
Pray for me. That's all I think you can do.
Anyway. This week has been good. Christan got baptized on Friday! She has come so far from the down trodden, smoking, fragile girl she was 3 months ago when I got here.
Then Elder Holland came and blew us all away with his powerful speaking. He told us we are an amazing mission and taught us how to teach better by going to the person's level. Then he pounded on the pulpit as he told us never to fall away from the church when we get home. It was very powerful!
On the ride to Clinton (I got to go back to Clinton!!) I got to talk to Sister Thompson! Then the whole way back! She is awesome! Love her so much!
I am staying in Purvis another transfer. I get to continue to work with the fabulous people I have met here and to support Dianne and Christan in their new life as members.
I love you all! Hope you have a fabulous week!
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